Let Kate, Not Kim, Set the Wedding Dress Trends

One of the most exciting things about Kate Middleton’s wedding dress, aside from the fact that it was Alexander McQueen, was that it had sleeves. I hate strapless dresses.

Kate Middleton, Kim Kardashian, wedding dress, celebrity fashion, sofia coppola

Don’t get me wrong, some people look beautiful in strapless dresses. And some strapless dresses are beautiful. But most people do not have the shoulders to pull them off (me being one of them) and should resort to dresses with straps. For some reason, strapless cocktail and wedding dresses seem to be ridiculously popular, even for those without great shoulders.

Why? I don’t know. It seems that wedding dress = strapless dress, particularly here in Vancouver. My friend Jason Matlo, who designs a lot of wedding and cocktail dresses, tries to add sleeves, but he always sells the strapless versions better than any other shape, although many can not pull it off. It is depressing.

Kate Middleton, Kim Kardashian, wedding dress, celebrity fashion, sofia coppola

Kim Kardashian looks like a giant set of boobs on her wedding day. Imagine how classy she would have looked with a beautiful long sleeve? Of course a Kardashian and class (or shall I say klass) don't mix.

(Another reason I hate strapless dresses is because Vancouver fashion students seem to have an obsession with designing them. If a student shows me a strapless dress design, it had better be super friggin’ amazing, if not, I’ll throw a spazz and make them go back to the drawing board. Seriously.)

Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress was a hideous strapless meringue, and she is a prime example of a woman who should not wear strapless. I am not saying she looked fantastic in her two non-strapless wedding dresses (she had three dresses, all which were very unimpressive and unimaginative) but the strapless one was totally unflattering. It draws attention to her chest, but not in a flattering-I’ve-got-big-gorgeous-boobs way, in a one-boob-alone-is-bigger-than-my-head way. Seriously, look at her chest, and then look at her head. Scary shrunken head business going on.

Kate Middleton, Kim Kardashian, wedding dress, celebrity fashion, sofia coppola

I’d like to draw attention to another one of my fashion loathes: the up do. Like most hair styles, the up do has its purpose, and can look good. Sometimes. But if you are already going to have a scenario where you boobs are going to look way bigger than your head, don’t make your head look smaller by tying all of your hair back.

Kim looks better (note I said better, and not good) in her other two dresses, which have straps that can not only help to hold up her giant chest, but also lengthen her body instead of making her look like a giant set of boobs. She also has her hair down, which is far more flattering.

Kate Middleton, Kim Kardashian, wedding dress, celebrity fashion, sofia coppola

Sofia Coppola's beautiful non-wedding dress by Azzedine Alaïa.

Anyway, all three of her dresses are pretty boring, predictable, and totally not special. Which comes as no surprise to me. Kim, you suck. So does Vera Wang, for designing them. And while we are on the subject of wedding dresses, can I get a HUGE round of applause for Sofia Coppola who got married in a pretty little lilac Azzedine Alaïa dress with her regular day-to-day hair and makeup. She looks perfect. We certainly can’t say the same for giant-boob-tacky-dress Kardashian.

Kate Middleton, Kim Kardashian, wedding dress, celebrity fashion, sofia coppola

Kim Kardashian wedding images from People, and Sofia Coppola images from Fashionologie.

(Note to my friends who got married in strapless dresses: you all looked amazeballs.)

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  • Hungstar

    I can’t stop laughing at this! I completely agree with everything you’ve just said! Kim does not look good in her wedding dress at all, or maybe I’m just prejudiced because I think she’s the dullest, most talentless person in the world. Hmmm….

    I love that Sofia decided to skip the traditional white wedding dress thing (or did she actually wear a white one, too?). She looks so natural and effortless, which is probably what a bride should look like. Kim has too much money, which would be fine if she actually had talent or at least knew what to do with it. Gosh, she looks so mechanic and artificial in that photo. 

  • Miss Peelpants

    Oh Sofia’s whole look is perfect. Exactly how you should do it, and a perfect antidote to the strapless meringues I find myself ranting about constantly. And doing the conventional outfit in bright red or somesuch, doesn’t make it ok either. Why people are so lacking in imagination at the precise moment they need to shine and look their very best, is beyond me. And the formal up-dos from people who would never normally dream of wearing their hair up.

    A friend of mine worked on THE dress (that one at the top) and I’m still so proud of her! x

  • Lauramilnes

    Thank you for this!!! I have wondered for ages why, when it comes to weddings, that all women want to look the SAME. Yet when they are shopping for their dress, they think what they want is the most unique dress that has yet to be worn. 

    I was so against the whole strapless/pouffy/cupcake gross dress look that I had a super hard time finding a dress that I actually liked. I finally found a gorgeous cap sleeve, body skimming, backless evening gown that I tried on in black and ordered in ivory. It felt good to look at least *somewhat* different than the masses of women wearing cupcakes as wedding dresses. 

  • Anonymous

    I don’t think she wore a white one too, I think that lilac one was it. And how un-diva of her to only have ONE outfit!

  • Anonymous

    You are right that it is so strange when a bride buys a strapless meringue and then think it is unique! My friend works with brides and she says it is incredible how women, even educated, intelligent ones, go crazy when it comes to weddings. It seems any woman can turn into a Bridezilla!

  • http://designedbyann.wordpress.com Anna

    well ok, I like strapless dresses either wedding or “simple” ones. What I didn’t like in Kim’s dress is that it was un-original! We’ve seen the same silhouette over and over again. I don’t like her other 2 dresses too. By the way, the best wedding dress I’ve seen this year was by a friend of mine and it wasn’t strapless and it wasn’t puffy.

  • Fiona

    Oh, Kim’s first dress is AWFUL!  80s-taffeta-tackorama nightmare.  Ugh.  The veil, the headdress, the awful Botox-and-filler half smile…  I am actually surprised that she looked this tacky, as she certainly has enough money to do something interesting.

    I was envisioning a Melania Trump-style couture extravaganza… oh well.

    Also, why TWO other dresses, and why do they both cut her off at the knees???

    At least we have the polar opposite in Sofia.  Her dress is actually not to my taste, but she looks so happy and comfortable that I can’t fault it.

  • angry, angry, angry.

    You are incredibly arrogant when it comes to talking about large busts. Clearly you do not have them so assume any woman who does, looks like a freak in a strapless. This is ridiculous. I think if you are giving style ‘advice’ out, its not just about skinny, titless girls who can pull off a lot. Its about the majority of people, CURVY PEOPLE. Kim’s ‘giant chest’ looks good for a woman with large breasts in a strapless. It is a VERY HARD PROCESS for a larger busted woman to be able to pull of the strapless with her breasts, before she even considers her shoulders etc. so don’t assume all larger busted ladies can’t. That is ridiculous and I am ashamed there are people like you who don’t know **** about larger busts so go with what every other small busted lady says, ‘cover them up’. Advice my ***.

  • alexandrasuhnerisenberg

    Ugh. Read my response to your last comment, and take a deep breath. I’m not arrogant when it comes to big chests, I am opinionated and realistic. I don’t think women with large cup sizes look good in strapless. Just like women with flabby stomachs don’t look good in crop tops, or women with massive batwings look good in spaghetti straps. I think women, and men, need to learn what suits their body – and go with it.

  • Gagaghs

    Kim is a much more beautiful person than Kate I don’t understand why Kate is considered so “pretty” she looks like an ordinary women no need to give someone with money and “royal” so much respect. The royal family has not done anything for the poor communities while Kim kardashian has donated to many charities around the world and she herself has gone to Africa to help out the poor an unfortunate. Kim’s style of dressing is much more stylish, beautiful, appealing and element. Kate (I’m not even going to put in the effort of calling anyone of that family royal or prince/princess really who gives a fuck) on the other hand dresses okay she doesn’t set trends her clothes are boring , ugly, an cheap looking. Hope the royal family rots in hell they are out of all the people in the world the most disgusting, snotty, an outrageously filthy people! CONGRATS TO KIM ON HER BABY NORI AND IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT PUTTING PICTURES ALL OVER THE INTERNET GOOD LUCK KIM:*

  • Ahahahhs

    Kim is a much more beautiful person than Kate I don’t understand why Kate is considered so “pretty” she looks like an ordinary women no need to give someone with money and “royal” so much respect. The royal family has not done anything for the poor communities while Kim kardashian has donated to many charities around the world and she herself has gone to Africa to help out the poor an unfortunate. Kim’s style of dressing is much more stylish, beautiful, appealing and element. Kate (I’m not even going to put in the effort of calling anyone of that family royal or prince/princess really who gives a fuck) on the other hand dresses okay she doesn’t set trends her clothes are boring , ugly, an cheap looking. Hope the royal family rots in hell they are out of all the people in the world the most disgusting, snotty, an outrageously filthy people! CONGRATS TO KIM ON HER BABY NORI AND IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT PUTTING PICTURES ALL OVER THE INTERNET GOOD LUCK KIM:* and screw you you whorebag Kate fuck you and your fucking royal family

  • Ksbsjsn

    If you don’t know anything don’t give out fashion tips strapless outfits were made for big chested women not for flat girls They accentuate the breasts !

  • Jshsjsbs

    You’re just jealous you aren’t like her If you don’t know she hasn’t gotten anything done except for Botox once an that was only a little bit it is her makeup style that has chaned you people are so judgy let her live her life peacefully. Who are you to judge someone by the way she looks, don’t be a jealous little bitch who is ugly as fuck and picks on beautiful women rather than those ugly botched that look like (if you don’t know who im talking about I’m talking about that whore Kate)

  • Gagaghs

    KARDASHIAN AND CLASS COME HAND IN HAND KATE AND BULLSHIT AND YOUR FUCKING MOUH AND BULLSHIT COME HAND IN HAND we have another bitch that is jealous of the beautiful kim k.

  • Gagaghs

    I feel bad for you low life person who wrote this article Kim looks amazing as always and a weddin is meant to be extravagant an exciting not just another day of your life and this is why nobody likes you dumb bitch. Kim expressed herself let her do what she wants.