Loathe: Sophie Dahl for Brora

sophie dahl, brora, celebrity designer, cashmere, knitwear

I don’t wake up on an island or in a field the “morning after.” More like a smelly flat in zone 5.

Speaking of celebrities in fashion… here is yet another pathetic model/fashion collaboration. Ex-model Sophie Dahl has designed a collection for Brora cashmere, and here is how she describes it:

“I imagined it as the-morning-after-the night-before — a woman on an island after a party, walking home with her shoes in her hands … Everything around her quite wild and undone, but she’s wearing these quintessentially British-feeling colour tones and patterns. The picture in my head was one of rainy English summers and festivals, being tarted-up and having your make-up running everywhere — that kind of vibe.” (Vogue.co.uk)

sophie dahl, brora, celebrity designer, cashmere, knitwear

A long skirt is useless when doing the walk of shame the “morning after.” It will only drag in the rain.

Sophie, let me describe to you what happens “the morning after.” First of all, you don’t wake up on an island. You wake up on someone’s sofa or bed, usually in a random flat stinking of last night’s kebabs. You don’t look wild and undone, you look like shit. Smeared eye makeup, blotchy skin, and breath that send an army running. Rainy English summers? Sure. And of course you have no umbrella as you stumble out onto the deserted street of an unfamiliar neighbourhood while you search for a taxi or a bus to get you back to civilization. Walking home with her shoes in her hand? Correction. Walking home with a shoe in her hand. God knows what happened to the other one, and dammit, those cost $800. Tarted-up? Yup. But that’s not cool and never has been. And lastly, that walk of shame has no “vibe.” It is embarrassing, and the keyword here is SHAME. Plus, you don’t happen to have any cashmere on you, because you went out in a slutty dress and a tiny jacket, and you sure as hell didn’t have the foresight to carry an ugly morning-after cashmere pullover in your tiny clutch.

Not a single woman I know looks like this “the morning after” and I doubt many of them will be buying this ridiculous collection.

sophie dahl, brora, celebrity designer, cashmere, knitwear

And lastly, if you were to be able to choose what you’d wear the “morning after,” it certainly wouldn’t be this butt ugly sweater.

I should note, however, that I value a model turned designer collection more than a singer/actress/reality TV star turned designer collection, simply because a model will have been part of the industry and would therefore have at least a vague understanding of what is involved in putting together a collection. Case in point is Claudia Schiffer’s cashmere, which appears not to exist anymore (anyone know?) but was a great capsule of cashmere pieces that were wearable and reasonably priced. Apparently she described it as cashmere to throw on when doing the school run, and it fit that description really well. However, when a model creates a cashmere collection to wear when hung over, well, that is just stupid. And it sort of makes me want to vomit, which I guess is what you do on the morning after, anyway.

  • AnaO

    Sooo right. The “morning after” is one of the least glamorous things e-ver.