Celebrity Stenches

Would you like to smell like this?

When I see a headline like this in my inbox:

“Bruce Willis Sets Fragrance Deal”

I want to cry.

Why the hell would anyone want to buy a Bruce Willis fragrance? Does any man want to smell like him? Does any woman want her man to smell like Bruce Willis? I didn’t realize they could make a fragrance that smells of sweaty, dirty American “hero” crashing cars in order to save the world/USA/Los Angeles.

In fact, why would anyone buy a celebrity fragrance? I don’t think I could bring myself to buy a celebrity fragrance even if I loved the smell, because it is sort of implying that you want to smell like that person. And a smell is so individual, you can’t emulate the smell of a celebrity. Designer perfumes make scents (ha ha, ok, sense) because when someone wears a recognizable perfume, it still develops its own unique smell on that person. But trying to smell like a celebrity is just weird (unless you are 9 years old, that’s ok.) I’m all about idolizing people (like I idolize Patty Hewes) but I wouldn’t want to smell like her, or look exactly like her. Maybe I’d copy the way she manipulates everyone to get her way, or pairs those crisp, untucked shirts perfectly with classic tailoring, but I wouldn’t buy her collection of clothing (and Glenn Close would never stoop that low anyway.) And by the way are there any celebrities with credibility who have their own fragrances?

I didn't realize there was a smell associated with the word tacky.

I am so sick of celebrity collaborations, unless there’s a really good reason for it (the only one I can think of is charity. And a serious contribution, not just 5% of profits…)

And speaking of bad celebrity collaborations, this quote in Vogue about Sarah Jessica Parker’s involvement in Halson makes me want to be sick.

“She says it took a long time to make the decision. “There was every reason to say no, and there were very compelling reasons to say yes. They were very persuasive,” says (Sarah Jessica Parker), although she gave them every possible excuse to walk away. She told them they were taking “a very untraditional route” and that they’d be bludgeoned for it.”

Here’s a reason why she should have said no to getting involved with Halston: SJP, you are not a designer, and Patricia Field is responsible for making you look good in Sex and the City, so get out of the fashion industry. And please stop making bad perfumes too.

Sarah Jessica Parker's Covet perfume. I covet your SATC collection of Manolos, not your cheap fragrance.

Image credits: Bruce Willis, Kim Kardashian, Sarah Jessica Parker.