This is a photo of a highly unattractive man on the bus today. He was wearing terrible shorts, barefoot, and holding one of those ridiculous kick scooters.
Of course I was torn here about what to be disgusted about. The fact that he was barefoot (on public transport!) or the fact that he was carrying one of those horrible kick scooters. You can tell by the size of his calves that he wasn’t particularly thin, and he was definitely over the age of 20. What was he doing, “riding” along on that disgusting excuse for a bike, barefoot???? (And what was I doing, riding the bus, and exposing myself to this…)
The kick scooter. I'd rather crawl down the street than ride one of these.
Summer can be a very scary time of year, especially in England when pale (yet sunburned), overweight people tend to show off much more skin than necessary. (The worst is a music festival. Fat lobster city.) In Vancouver, it’s not so bad, because people are very fit, and there’s less scary rolls of white fat tumbling out of revealing “summer” clothing. (Remember Emma’s theory of tanned fat = muscle. But note that this does not mean that sunburnt fat = muscle) However, this doesn’t mean that Vancouverites have got it right in the summer fashion department.
Here’s a few of my summer fashion tips. Or no, let’s call them rules. And this list is certainly not exhaustive, I am sure there is a lot more to add. I’ll let you know next time I am on public transport.
When its hot and you work in an office
- Sleeveless is fine, but be weary of spaghetti straps if you don’t have toned arms.
- Don’t wear a beach-y summer dress to the office.
- Flip flops are not acceptable, unless they are ones made out of leather or have a heel.
When its hot on the street
- Teeny, tiny hot pants cause car accidents. Whether you look super hot in them, or whether you are overflowing out of them. Save it for the beach.
- Toplessness. Never allowed unless on the beach or at pool or park. (This is intended for men, but it goes without saying this applies to women, the only exception being on the beach in Spain.)
- Crop tops. In fact, crop tops are forbidden at any time, unless you 1- have an amazingly flat stomach and you’re on holiday or in a sexy night club, or 2- its layered over a long top.
- Barefoot. Gross, this is the street we are talking about! I won’t even go barefoot in a public shower!
- Kick scooters or roller blades (however, roller skates are perfectly ok.)
Never acceptable in the summer
- Sunburns
