Balmain Spring Summer 2009, the $2,000 ripped jeans.

This is my first guest post, written by Chris Low, a friend from London. Chris is Scottish, and is not a fashion person, but his opinionated rants never fail to make me laugh. He keeps emailing me about my blog posts, and I always tell him he needs to 1- post it as a comment so that others can share the joy, and 2- start his own blog. He does neither, so I told him to write me a post. Here it is.

(By the way, for my North American readers…the term footballer refers to a soccer player! Not one of those overgrown NFL muscle heads that are too wimpy to play rugby, so they opt for the pussy’s version instead.)

Rip It Up & Start Again by Chris Low

If there is one rule in men’s fashion to adhere to it must surely be  ‘if a footballer would wear it – avoid it’. Just as in olden times miners would carry a budgerigar on the end of a stick, extended before them to detect any incipient gas leaks, as soon as footballers enter clothes stores one can only conclude their staff ensure only the most tasteless of garments are on display.

One such accoutrement, which always features highly amongst the wardrobes of footballers, reality show contestants and members of boy bands, is ‘designer distress’. An almost ‘extreme sports’ league up from the ‘faux-faded look’ of yesteryear where denim manufacturers got their interns to lie in the middle of roads till the roadworks lorry trundled along and painted over them with five inch wide white stripes, designer distress is where areas of a garment will be cut, slashed or otherwise left to resemble something Freddie Kruger has lost his temper with.

Balmain long sleeve t-shirt, $282 (Canadian dollars.)

A case in point being this striped top from Balmain. Like Archimedes discovering the theory of displacement, I thought my perennial search for the perfect striped top may have been at an end. I could stitch up & live with the nonsense round the collar (which incidentally, looks like it was ’sandpapered’; a trick favored by street cred crazed crusty punks since the early ’80s) but checking on the back view and OH, THE HORROR! - ’designer’ rips on the arms. In literal terms: a few deft slashes transforming a perfectly attractive top into something only to be worn by footballers, reality show contestants and members of boy bands.

I understand Balmain is famous for such foolishness. Witness the ‘Lindsay Lohan’ jeans which, apart from having a top right thigh that looks like it’s been used to distract the tiger that mauled Siegfried & Roy, has ugly big holes of crudely contrived ‘wear’ in an area that would probably only get worn down if one spent a lot of time bent over and in receipt of vigorous, friction causing propulsion. Probably not a look Ms Lohan should aspire to with such candor.

Lindsay Lohan in ripped jeans from Balmain.

However, those are beacons of taste & restraint when compared to these monstrosities below. Might they even have been a well tailored pair of jeans before death by a thousand cuts? Who can tell? Now they look like they’ve been taken off someone who was run over by a train. And WTF’s with the BROWN STAINS on the back pockets??? Perhaps when the original wearer was thrown to the lions he was wearing a colostomy bag and that got clawed as well? There’s Manhattan ‘Hobo-chic’ and there’s just looking like a drunk who’s lost control of their bodily functions. If the jeans were light blue – and sans the brown stain – one could just about get away with wearing them if one’s occupation was dancing in a cage in a club called The Manhole. But other than that I am lost as to just whom they could appeal to. In fact what they remind me of is the end result of a cartoon character lighting up a stick of dynamite thinking it was a cigar. A look whoever would wear these jeans may wish to accentuate by spiking their hair horizontal, covering their face in soot and sporting a perpetually startled expression.

Balmain Jeans, $848 (Canadian Dollars.)

And I’m not going to even START on the unlaced army boots look as evidenced on the models. Looking like a footballer is bad enough; looking like a roadie for The Levellers is simply beyond the pale.

So, my hunt goes on for the perfect striped top. A shame Balmain felt the need to ruin this one or they’d have had a sale and I could have moved on to devoting my energies to finding the perfect pair of jeans. A search I doubt would ever find me calling at Balmain’s door.

Balmain images from Luisa Via Roma.
Lindsay Lohan image source.
Catwalk image from Style.com.

Balmain has taken a small step sideways, but there has certainly not been any steps forward in this collection. Howevr, Christophe Decarnin’s formula of tight pants, sexy appeal, tight dresses, and mega embellishment seems to be working out quite well for him, so why change the formula? Well, he will have to change the formula at some stage, but they are probably trying to think commercially with this brand. If there is someone buying this ridiculously expensive stuff, then keep it coming (remember the $2000 ripped jeans?) My favourite quote about Balmain was something like “Balmain is ruined because the Russians got their hands on it.” Well, I won’t make any comments on the Russians, sine they have probably ensured the survival of many luxury brands (and I believe Harrods owes them a thanks too) but it does sort of sum up the brand.

I Love…

what Balmain does best: tight, sexy, embellished, and mega shoulders.

the strange yet interesting shape of this jacket. Or is it just that the model has big shoulders and a VERY small waist?

this gold dress that actually looks like it is made of gold.

I Loathe…

when Balmain starts to look like Gucci.

that Christophe Decarnin is still designing military jackets.

All images from Style.com.

Here is Part 2 of my summary of the last decade. Click here for Part 1.

New Blood in the fashion industry and on the catwalks. Images from Style.com

Christophe Decarnin for Balmain.

Tomas Maier for Bottega Veneta.

Christopher Bailey for Burberry Prorsum.

New designer Gareth Pugh.

Ricardo Tisci for Givenchy.

Alber Elbaz for Lanvin.

New designer Marios Schwab.

New designers Rodarte.

New designer Giambattista Valli.

Stefano Pilati for Yves Saint Laurent.

New designer Zac Posen.

Nicolas Ghesquière for Balenciaga.

And I am not forgetting Jonathon Saunders, Proenza Schouler,  Alexander Wang, Philip Lim, Richard Nicoll, and many others (including revivals of Halston and Ossie Clark.) In fact, when I was researching this post, I realised that in Fall 2002, Style.com showed 114 designers’ catwalk collection on their website. For Fall 2009 the number was up to 262.

A New Retail Perspective resulted in an shopping evolution, or revolution.

Dover Street Market in London.

Dover Street Market, considered one of the “best” stores in the world, opened on London’s Dover Street. Curated by Rei Kawakubo from Comme des Garcons, the store continues to innovate.

Primark’s first central London location had people queuing over an hour to buy £1 tights and £3 t-shirts. Dubbed “Primani”, the store continues to attract crowds and has not felt the recession as badly as most high street retailers.

A new retailing concept: The Pop-Up Store. A temporary retail space, opened for a short period of time, sometimes with a limited edition product. This one is a pop up for Louis Vuitton’s collaboration with Rei Kawakubo from Comme des Garcons for a collection of handbags.

Net A Porter changed the way consumers shop for luxury online.

ASOS (As Seen On Screen) started as a site selling copies of celebrities outfits, but as turned into one of the largest, most-successful multi-brand online retailers.

Gilt Groupe is one of the many discount luxury retailers thriving in the recession.

American Apparel sold basics tees with a new angle: using sleazy and sometimes pornographic images to sell a product made in the US in factories where workers had holiday and sick pay.

A Decade to be Forgotten. How many of these fashion trends do you look back on and smile, or cringe? (in no particular order…)

Kate Moss wearing gladiator sandals, first seen at Balenciaga.

Luxury denim, aka the $300 pair of jeans. These ones from Rock and Republic.

Lingerie becomes fashionable again, thanks to brands like Agent Provocateur.

I remember when there were one hour lineups outside the Birkenstock store.

Bling: a trend I definitely did not embrace.

Nu Rave. The worst trend of the 00s. What were they thinking? This look by Cassette Playa.

The IT bag: Chloe Paddington anyone?

and we certainly cant forget the Motorcycle bag by Balenciaga.

The new IT bag: The IT shoe. From top to bottom: Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, and Christian Louboutin. I think we have Sex and the City to thank for this.

On second thought, Crocs were definitely the worst trends of the 00s, with Nu Rave coming in a close second.

Not wearing pants. A Lady Gaga phenomenon, lets hope this one doesn’t last. Image source.

Leggings. These ones by American Apparel.

Boho, Hippie, Hobo, whatever. A look that kept on giving. Sienna Miller image from Dave Hogan/Getty Images.

Skinny jeans helped us to discover the muffin top. These ones by Topshop.

Maybe it was a decade of really bad shoes…. But unfortunately we still haven’t seen the end of the Ugg boot.

Wellington boots by Hunter. Remember when there were for farmers, not festivals?

If anyone had told me that a company would make millions buy selling velour jogging suits, I would have never believed them. Nauseating.

The Birth of the Recessionista and the credit crunch will probably be one of the defining events of the last decade, even though it took place at the end. The losers were the big luxury brands that didn’t have a strong brand identity, hedgefund managers, department stores, anyone selling cars or furniture, and the millions who ended up unemployed and homeless. The winners were the discount retailers, online retailers, anyone selling an education, and MacDonalds.

Susie Bubble as a Recessionista.

Catch Part 3 of 3 “Remembering the Noughties” posts tomorrow!

All images from the brand’s or person’s website, except all catwalk images from style.com, unless otherwise noted.

My friend Michaela pointed out to me recently that everyone has just sort of been ignoring the fact that we are about to enter a new decade. Well, I wouldn’t say it has been ignored, but I agree we aren’t really making a very big deal of it. Maybe we had millenium overload ten years ago, but no one can deny that a lot has happened since 2000.

I have been working on this post for a while, looking through other websites’ and newspapers’ “summaries of the decade” and trying to think what I felt was really important from the last ten years. I have combined it all under a few categories, and I am probably forgetting loads of important things, but here I go. Also, I don’t agree with Time Magazine, who has called the 00s “The Decade from Hell”, I prefer just using the term The Noughties. Nought means zero in British English. Maybe we can call it The Decade Nought to be Forgotten? Ok, that sounds cheesy. Lets just call it The Noughties.

It is a very long post, so I have broken it down into 3 parts. Here is Part 1. Enjoy!

The Politics of the Stars and Stripes really took over the world stage in the past ten years. First, the Americans had the disastrous Bush era, whose ignorance, terrible international relations, and poor leadership led to the US being the most hated country in the world. That pissed some people off so much that they flew planes into the World Trade Centre towers, which led to wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and very long line ups to get through security in airports. Things started to look up at the end of the decade, when Barack Obama was elected the first African American president of the United States. He hasn’t been around long enough for us to feel the effect of his good deeds, but it definitely brought hope to the world, and has calmed down their enemies… a little. And his wife is the best dressed first lady ever…she deserves mega kudos for showing off her arms, supporting young American designers, and wearing affordable clothing.

Yay!

These images from are from The Cut’s Michelle Obama Lookbook, they have been documenting all of her outfits. Definitely worth a look.

A Shift of Power took place in the fashion industry, as we saw established designers disappear, famous retirements, celebrities taking over the industry, and revived brands making headlines.

Valentino retires, and so we say goodbye to the man known for red dresses, animal prints, and perma tan.

Emanuel Ungaro also retired in 2004, which resulted in turmoil in the house for several years, leading up the current disastrous state which sees Lindsay Lohan as Artistic Director. The above images are from her first collection for the house, which was bought by only two stores.

Things are not looking good for Christian Lacroix, who has had to suspend his Haute Couture and Pret-a-porter because of financial difficulties.

The Ferre brand is also unstable, since the death of the founder, Gianfranco Ferre, in 2007. Image source.

And some very old brands have been reinvented…

Alber Elbaz is now the Creative Director behind Lanvin.

Nicolas Ghesquière is the Creative Director for Balenciaga.

and Christophe Decarnin is the Creative Director for Balmain.

Luxury Made Accessible by the high street retailers collaborating with big names. Owning a piece by Karl was no longer unattainable, as long as you were willing to wait in a line up.

H&M were the pioneers of the designer high street collaboration.

H&M designer collaborations. Clockwise from top left: Karl Lagerfeld, Stella McCartney, Viktor & Rolf, Matthew Williamson, Sonia Rykiel, Comme des Garcons, Jimmy Choo, and Roberto Cavalli.

Christopher Kane for Topshop, the famous crocodile print.

Target launched collections with McQ Alexander McQueen, Anna Sui and Rodarte (shown above.)

New Media changed the way we consumed news and information. Time Magazine summed it up in 2006 when they named “You” as person of the year. Web 2.0 changed the way we consumed the web, making users the new contributors. Google, Wikipedia, Facebook, and Myspace changed the way we searched, researched, communicated and socialized.

The computer screen was a mirror...

This image of bloggers Bryanboy and Tommy Ton (from Jak & Jil Blog) sitting front row at the Dolce and Gabanna Spring Summer 2010 show with Anna Wintour, Hamish Bowles, Suzy Menkes and other big player fashion journalists showed that blogging was being taken seriously in the fashion industry.

Scoot Schulman’s street style blog, The Sartorialist, is known for his well-chosen photographs of men and women of all ages on the streets of the world’s fashion capitals.

Websites like Vogue’s Style.com has allowed us to view fashion catwalk images hours after the runway show itself, changing the way we consume fashion. Years ago, fashionistas would wait until the magazines published the new season’s collections, usually months after the show itself. Now we see the shows immediately after they happen, and hear about them on Twitter as they are happening.

Catch Part 2 of 3 “Remembering the Noughties” posts tomorrow!

All images from the brand’s or person’s website, except all catwalk images from style.com, unless otherwise noted.

This post is not going to be about silhouettes, sleeves, fashion nightmares, or Balmain, but instead about my beloved car, whose name is Shoulder Pads. When I moved back to Vancouver, I needed a car and I needed it fast. I hadn’t done any research, the husband was three weeks away, and I needed immediate wheels that would get me from A to B until I had the time and money to get a more permanent solution. I spent a few days looking, and in that time I came to realize that 1- I don’t like new cars, and 2 – I’ll never need to spend a lot of money on a car, as my dream car is easily found for less than $10K.

A family friend sold me Shoulder Pads, an 89 Oldsmobile (model name: Regency Brougham) for the equivalent of one sixth of the money I would spend annually on public transport and taxis in London. It took me a while to really love her, but she is great, she has spacious bench seating upholstered in navy velour (with embossed crests), wood paneling interiors, and no one bothers you on the road, as they assume the person driving is 90.

My husband wanted to do a photoshoot of Shoulder Pads this weekend, and since the photos look quite good, I thought I would share them with you. But first, I need to explain that Shoulder Pads, as much as I love her, is not my dream car. My dream car is a ‘69 Ford Mustang, although I would quite happily settle for a 71 or 73 Pontiac Trans Am, a 64 Chevy Impala, or a 68 Pontiac Firebird. So before I present Shoulder Pads, here is a bit of my car “porn.”

The day I buy a '69 Ford Mustang will be more exciting than the day I buy my first pair of full priced Manolo Blahniks.

She is just as beautiful from behind...

The Trans Am, a classic beauty.

The '64 Chevy Impala, a bit more retro, but still a beaut.

The '68 Pontiac Firebird. Find me one car made in the past ten years that is cooler than this.

All muscle car “porn” images from Serious Wheels.

Introducing Shoulder Pads…

She is a boat, but a good looking one at that.No idea why she is called a Ninety Eight, as she is definitely an '89.

This amazing backdrop can make any car look cool, except maybe a PT Cruiser.

They just don't make 'em like they used to.

I had a really interesting conversation with my friends on Saturday night, about fashion and brands. The subject turned to Hermes, which I believe is an untouchable brand, despite the fact that it has become a lot more mainstream in recent years. We then disucssed the fact that many brands have been “ruined” when they hit the mainstream. As far as I am concerned, when Victoria Beckham wears it, or when it is mentioned in a rap song, the brand is over. Hermes is an exception.

Even Victoria Beckham can't ruin Hermes (images from www.pursepage.com)

Why is this? How has Hermes managed to maintain this powerful brand position? They have superior quality, longevity, classic pieces, and waiting lists, but so do many other brands. On the other hand, Balmain (ruined by the “Russians” apparently), Jimmy Choo, Herve Leger, and Christian Louboutin have been tainted by over exposure on celebrities.

Another thing we discussed is the power of the handbag. For some ridiculous, unexplainable reason I always feel I need to buy a handbag from a well-known luxury brand, however, I am happy to spend fortunes on clothing or shoes from smaller luxury brands that are not very mainstream at all (Finsk being my main example.) I don’t understand why I feel that way… Maybe because I use a handbag everyday for two years, whereas I don’t wear the same shoes more than once a week. Maybe because a great luxury handbag can make a 20 dollar outfit look like a 2000 dollar outfit.

I don’t have the answers, but here are some of the Hermes pieces I wouldn’t mind finding underneath my Christmas tree (hint hint husband.)

Images from www.hermes.com